Chugging along - one step at a time

There are a lot of things I take for granted; the sunsets, the trees, the seasons, waking up each morning, my children's laughter, driving with the windows down on a perfect summer afternoon! And then there are days when everything is right and beautiful with the world. I have seen people who struggle daily, who can't face what has happened in their life, and I have been someone who was lost at one point or another - trying to just stay afloat. I have dated people who were disingenuous, who were desperate, who were struggling just like me. And then there were people I met who were honest and dependable, sincere and kind-hearted.

I've been spending the last few months getting back with who I thought I use to be. I use to think I was a great judge of character and that sometimes I would choose to do things or be with people because I wanted something - popularity, love, desire, etc. Once I started the divorce process I thought I had failed myself by marrying someone who I knew wasn't right for me. I thought that maybe I was naive for thinking I was a good judge of character. Then during everything I had been on numerous bad dates where people weren't as I had thought they would've been. I had neglected to make friends because I thought that I was fine with the people I had in my life!

Then I met my new neighbor, Meghan. She was sweet, charming, outgoing, and constantly so. I was drawn in. And I found myself really enjoying how sweet she is. In the last few months I've slowed down on dating. I had decided that I didn't want to settle on a boy friend when I wasn't feeling content, comfortable, and caring; but I still found myself wanting a boy friend. Someone who was dependable. I went on dates that I knew wouldn't lead anywhere just so I could learn to let loose a little and enjoy the time I have meeting new people.

Then I went on a date with this guy who I thought I initially wouldn't want to see again. Someone I pegged as selfish or self-centered, playboy-ish, and not serious. And it turns out that in my having fun and allowing myself to just "go with the flow" as my mom would say, that I have found someone I enjoy spending time with and who I don't want to harangue daily for conversation but who's company I enjoy! Not only that but I have a great set of people who I see regularly and want to spend time with - Christie and all the ladies from CRK, Meghan and Franklin and soon to be baby Gray!, my family and my friends outside the state!

You know on Friday I made our Thanksgiving dinner cause my brother and mom were both free. It was one of the best times I had had in a long time. I felt like myself. I cooked what I wanted and it was delicious, I had people over to entertain in my house, I had my babies even though they were loud and crazy all day, and I had a happy heart. Then today I got to spend time with Keith and the kids, watch their eyes fill with wonder as they looked at the fish and sea creatures, enjoy the outdoors, spend time with Meghan, watch the kids love on Franklin and relish the quiet time with one DVR'd show! Today was one of those perfect and beautifully right days.

I honestly feel like things are going right with me right now. My kids are growing strong and healthy. My ex-husband is happy in his new life. I'm happy with my new life, the people I share my time with, the way I conduct myself, and the love I share with my babies. And I feel like I'm getting back to the person I lost when I gave myself up 5 years ago! I have a plan that includes doing for me; wearing dresses when I didn't before, taking the extra 5 minutes to put on make-up, to wear heels instead of flip-flops, to give someone one more hug before they leave my house, to laugh with my kids more often than not, to make it to shows and festivals, and to spend the time I use to spend wallowing, with people who are right and beautiful and charming and what I need to be me!

I love you all so much and I'm so thankful to be included in your lives. I really appreciate you all doing for me what you didn't know you were doing and what I didn't know I needed!!! <3