Chugging along - one step at a time

There are a lot of things I take for granted; the sunsets, the trees, the seasons, waking up each morning, my children's laughter, driving with the windows down on a perfect summer afternoon! And then there are days when everything is right and beautiful with the world. I have seen people who struggle daily, who can't face what has happened in their life, and I have been someone who was lost at one point or another - trying to just stay afloat. I have dated people who were disingenuous, who were desperate, who were struggling just like me. And then there were people I met who were honest and dependable, sincere and kind-hearted.

I've been spending the last few months getting back with who I thought I use to be. I use to think I was a great judge of character and that sometimes I would choose to do things or be with people because I wanted something - popularity, love, desire, etc. Once I started the divorce process I thought I had failed myself by marrying someone who I knew wasn't right for me. I thought that maybe I was naive for thinking I was a good judge of character. Then during everything I had been on numerous bad dates where people weren't as I had thought they would've been. I had neglected to make friends because I thought that I was fine with the people I had in my life!

Then I met my new neighbor, Meghan. She was sweet, charming, outgoing, and constantly so. I was drawn in. And I found myself really enjoying how sweet she is. In the last few months I've slowed down on dating. I had decided that I didn't want to settle on a boy friend when I wasn't feeling content, comfortable, and caring; but I still found myself wanting a boy friend. Someone who was dependable. I went on dates that I knew wouldn't lead anywhere just so I could learn to let loose a little and enjoy the time I have meeting new people.

Then I went on a date with this guy who I thought I initially wouldn't want to see again. Someone I pegged as selfish or self-centered, playboy-ish, and not serious. And it turns out that in my having fun and allowing myself to just "go with the flow" as my mom would say, that I have found someone I enjoy spending time with and who I don't want to harangue daily for conversation but who's company I enjoy! Not only that but I have a great set of people who I see regularly and want to spend time with - Christie and all the ladies from CRK, Meghan and Franklin and soon to be baby Gray!, my family and my friends outside the state!

You know on Friday I made our Thanksgiving dinner cause my brother and mom were both free. It was one of the best times I had had in a long time. I felt like myself. I cooked what I wanted and it was delicious, I had people over to entertain in my house, I had my babies even though they were loud and crazy all day, and I had a happy heart. Then today I got to spend time with Keith and the kids, watch their eyes fill with wonder as they looked at the fish and sea creatures, enjoy the outdoors, spend time with Meghan, watch the kids love on Franklin and relish the quiet time with one DVR'd show! Today was one of those perfect and beautifully right days.

I honestly feel like things are going right with me right now. My kids are growing strong and healthy. My ex-husband is happy in his new life. I'm happy with my new life, the people I share my time with, the way I conduct myself, and the love I share with my babies. And I feel like I'm getting back to the person I lost when I gave myself up 5 years ago! I have a plan that includes doing for me; wearing dresses when I didn't before, taking the extra 5 minutes to put on make-up, to wear heels instead of flip-flops, to give someone one more hug before they leave my house, to laugh with my kids more often than not, to make it to shows and festivals, and to spend the time I use to spend wallowing, with people who are right and beautiful and charming and what I need to be me!

I love you all so much and I'm so thankful to be included in your lives. I really appreciate you all doing for me what you didn't know you were doing and what I didn't know I needed!!! <3

We've come to that point!

Today was the day I had to make it into court to listen to a judge declare me officially divorced. It wasn't at all like I expected. It was a private meeting in the judge's chambers. He looked over my paperwork and then said it would be filed and it was done. My attorney said to me on the steps of the courthouse, "Most people are elated when this day finally gets here and you're not...." I told her that today was just like having a birthday. It's just another day. The only difference is that I had to get up early, had someone watch my kids and talk with a judge! I guess in my mind John and I have acted divorced since I moved out and accepted that our marriage was over. So this finalization day wasn't really a big issue for me.

My attorney says we'll probably be back in court sometime within the first year only because he will try to get at me with something or one of us will really mess up and be held in contempt. I hope she's wrong, honestly. I really just want to have things be peaceful; he calls to talk to the kids only, is on time with picking them up and dropping them off, is flexible with schedules and everything else as I plan to be.

I've actually been really relaxed today. Tonight I plan on sitting around in the house in my pj's, the kids in bed early since we've had play dates the last 3 days with friends, watching some DVR shows and drinking tea with some popcorn. Sounds like a good plan!

How does the Hammer Strike?

This morning I woke up and felt different. This morning I felt calm. I felt collected and content. I woke up and the day reminded me of whatever you would consider your perfect day. I looked out my window to see the trees swaying in the sweet breeze. I sat under my warm covers and checked my emails, much as I am sitting now. I spoke with my parents. And I started my day. I'll come back to this perfect day after a few short stories and updates.

This past week or better yet, these past few weeks - since my last post - have been nothing short of a roller coaster ride. My divorce date is set for this coming Wednesday. I forget about it most days. All my days since being asked to move out have been blurred together into one long day when in fact it's been almost 6 months! And like anyone else who is starting over I have good and bad days. In the past few weeks I've had more indifferent days than I've experienced in my life as a whole. I have learned that John had been seeing his now girl friend since before he asked me for the divorce. I have learned that every thing that deals with him will be this way forever, it will be trying and mentally taxing and something that I will have to overcome daily. I have learned that it's hard to enter back into a world you know nothing about! It's hard for me to date, to fill my free time, and to create a life anew. I've learned that I have to be something new...something better than what I've been.

I had some meetings my dad wanted me to tag along to in the last two weeks. I loved getting to see him do his work things. I've realized in the last few months how truly amazing certain people are in my life. That isn't meant to sound like I've been taking people for granted during my life time. I just get brief moments of clarity and appreciation that I hadn't thought about before. Well while we were at this meeting a man called me Elizabeth, which quickly caught on and it wasn't long before those that didn't know me thought of me as an Elizabeth! I quietly corrected them, wondering if I should have just let it slide.

In the last few days I have had some issues regarding John. It's another time of him being difficult that almost threw a wrench in my plans. But like I said, I woke up today feeling different. Feeling almost James Bond-ish. I felt cunning and stealth. I decided that after dealing with John in a less than desirable way last night and earlier today that I would try to make things easy on myself. I put on my skinny pants, one of my favorite silky shirts and my cute gray suede wedges. My dad and I went out in some of the most perfect fall weather. We went to see my brother and have this amazing lunch at Earthfare. Then we went and drove to see a movie but we ended up being about an hour early. So we went to go sit at Starbucks and enjoy more of the great conversation we'd been smoothly rolling through all day. I got the Pumpkin Spice Latte. We sat outside. The sky was overcast, the wind was weaving it's way through the trees and around the cars, and there was this freshness to the air, this feeling of serenity. I happened to look at my cup and what do I see? The name that was put on the cup. When I was in the store the man behind the counter asked for my dad's name. He said, "NASH" as if he were reserving a table at a fully booked restaurant! He looked at me and asked the same. Of course I reply with the normal, "Kate" and what do I get? I get Lindsay put on my cup! I mean why not just throw out an Elizabeth as well?!!! It was one of the many highlights of my day. We then went to the movie. We were going to watch: Wall street: Money Never Sleeps with Michael Douglas and Shia LeBouf. Not even 45 minutes into the movie, which is amazing so far by the way, I get a text from John saying he's on his way to Oak Ridge. This text coming from the man who got so angry at me the night before when I said no he couldn't keep the kids for my entire weekend but he could bring them back by 7 like we agreed - now not even taking the time he was generously given! So I hesitated cause the movie was so good but my dad and I quickly decided to leave the movie and head to his office. The whole time I was getting texts from John that sounded purely like he thought he was getting the best of me by giving me short notice on his being there hours early! I just sat in the car with my dad cracking jokes and feeling like I had nothing to worry about in life at that moment.

I got my babies. I held onto Chelsea and I looked at her dress that was covered in a daisy print. And I looked at Garrett as he fiddled his fat fingers around a toy duck he had. And in that moment I forgot about John being there. I forgot that he was so angry at me for not being swayed by his actions and words that he couldn't even speak or look me in the face. I forgot that he was even part of my perfect day! I put the kids in the car, acted care-free and drove home. Listening to kid songs, doing hand motions to the songs I loved and asking the kids about the many adventures I was sure they had had the day before. When I got home I fed them, gave them a bath and just felt more relaxed than I have in weeks. I got to talk to an old friend whom I haven't heard from in months. I listened to a song that makes my soul happy. I hugged my kids and finished out my day. Later after there was quiet in the house for a few hours, I heard a little boy saying my name. I went up to find Garrett standing in his bed holding out his airplane blanket at me and his eyes closed. I picked up his warm little chubby boy body and I felt perfect. I felt over run with joy and love as I just stood there in the dark holding this perfect angel baby, swaying back and forth, humming our own personal lullaby. My cheek was resting on his blonde hair and his arm reached up and wrapped around my neck and he just let all his love and appreciation for me out as he stroked my neck in a tired hug.

I can sit here right now with my eyes closed and I can relive my perfect day in slow motion. I can still feel the breeze kissing my cheek. I can feel the smile effortless spread across my face as I count down to the teddy bear toy song. I can still realize that I am happiest when I'm rocking my little boy simply for the fact that he needed to be close to me. Today was perfect. Today I took pride in knowing that my body is strong, my mind and spirit are grounded and my heart’s still beating.

Super HAWT

I've spent the last week just being bitter, irritated and mildly upset at everything. Today I dropped the kids off for another weekend with John. It's Labor Day weekend. He was suppose to have them from Thursday night through Tuesday morning - but clearly in my dropping them off today, he isn't taking that long.
Earlier this week I took the kids to this new playground that was built downtown. It's a nice playground and it really livens up the area. Plus it's right across from where my mom works so we stopped in to see her. But while we were at the playground, I was watching the kids climb, jump, slide and scream. I was marveling at how wonderful they were. How beautiful and carefree they were. It was one of those true moments of happiness when nothing else mattered! I didn't care that the grass was wet, that they didn't have sunblock on, or that there were a ton of people walking the path around the park! We played hide-and-seek, tag, played songs on the little piano underneath the slides, we chased butterflies, and Chelsea schooled me in grasshoppers. It was the perfect day.
Today after I dropped them off I had to run some errands and then go pick my mom up. She wanted to get a head start on Christmas shopping! In September ;) She's the crazy one. But we got some cute fall/winter clothes and some stocking stuffers. Anyway, I was jolted by the fact that John brought Tiffany, his new girlfriend, with him to pick the kids up because they were all going to go spend the day in Knoxville (like a family)! I wasn't ready to meet her face to face because this is the woman John left his family for, but like always I get thrown into things that I'm not ready for! So she got me a new pair of shoes....it helped until she mentioned if shopping was taking my mind off things! haha.
I am just not ready for all this. I have realized that while all this is going on, that I don't miss John. I don't miss him laying beside me at night. I don't miss him not being home for dinner or not helping me when I was stretched thin and just frazzled. I don't love him anymore and I don't want to be with someone I don't love and who doesn't love me back! But I never imagined being at this point in my life. The point where I wonder who is watching my kids. Where I think, 'would they be better off in this circumstance versus this circumstance'. [insert different circumstances based on experience!]
I am at a point where I feel like I'm stagnant. Like I need to do something to occupy my time so I don't feel like I'm so useless. At first I was kept busy with getting the divorce going and moving. Then I kept myself busy getting the kids adjusted and getting more acquainted to the city again and the friends I have. Then I kept myself occupied with dating, no matter how terrible the experience! Now I am almost fully legally divorced, I am settled into our new home, I have great friends who are more supportive than I could have ever imagined, I see my family and appreciate all they do for me on a daily basis, and I'm not comfortable with the dating scene yet. So I'm stuck in this place of feeling like I need to do something else to keep busy.
I've decided that I'm going to get back into getting into shape again. Since all this started, when I was at my lowest in years, I had so much else to worry about that I stopped working out and lost all the hard work I put in to looking like I did! Now nearly 6 months later and 10 pounds heavier-ish I need to readjust. I've decided to start interval training. I did this in high school, my senior year and it was incredibly hard for me to do. I just don't have the stamina for it. But I'm going to make it stick this time! That coupled with my good eating and doing a workout 3 days a week and I'll be super HAWT! And I'll stay occupied! With goal in mind. Wish me luck!

And the weeks drone on

Well it seems that the blog is pretty well up to date. I never made this blog with the intent of just being pessimistic. It just so seems that this is a low point in my life and as much as I enjoy talking with people I would rather not have to only talk about my divorce or how the kids are coping, etc.

I've been trying to find out what to do with myself. School? Work? Kids in school? Daycare? What to do in my free time when I don't have the kids? I've been dating. And let me tell you, dating is a terrible thing! I don't know how people end up getting married! I'll be honest. I'm pretty picky. I enjoy people's company but I don't want to have to listen to mouth-breathers who have just nothing to talk about other than like, "I saw a tractor on the interstate!" I mean really?! The one great thing I've found about dating is that there are some funny stories that come out of it. None will be mentioned on here because it's just too funny but if you know me and talk to me I'm sure you've heard some.

The issue I've found with dating is that I'm not a good serial dater. I don't take pleasure in going out with a different person every other day I have free. I don't enjoy having to try to get to know all these different people whom I have no intention of dating seriously! And I've had terrible luck meeting anyone I'd rather go on a second date with. When I first started dating, I was still watching the Bachelorette and I felt like I was on that sort of dating show! That I had all these people to go out with and get to know and it was interesting but exhausting all at the same time.

I've found that I do better in a taking my time with someone one on one kind of way. Of course I've met some people I'd go out with again but it always turns out that I could actually like them and they feel the same but then decide not to date me! Well this gets really old. There aren't many people around here that I feel are worth my time and energy and when I find someone I think is worth all that it ends up not going how I thought it might. It's frustrating. I am tired of being someone that people like, want to date, want to hang out with but don't want to get serious with.
My dad says that I need to get right with myself and what I have in my life. I agree that I'm not 100% content with where I am in life right now. I am not happy to have to start over, no matter how great I think it is for me. I just want to be happy. Whatever that means.

The Classic "Fear" blog

You know they say that hindsight is 20/20. That you never know what you have until you lose it. I guess that those two statements can go but also don't go together. I've been without the kids for 11 days now. It's the longest I've been apart from them. I'm having a hard time with it all because on one hand I want to do what is right for them and I guess that would be to spend as much time with their dad as they can but at the same time I just wish that he were the kind of person who would just walk away and leave us be. I've had a few fears crop up these past few months that I know might not be rational but they are still fears that I can't seem to shake.

I can't remember if I had mentioned about John trying to get the kids for this whole month but it was a big expensive few days of us fighting, lawyers, hateful remarks, etc. And before taking the kids for the start of his regular weekend I got a letter from his attorney saying he was filing for 23 days and wanted to file a sanction against me saying that I was unreasonable and try to stop him from seeing the kids. So when I dropped them off I asked him about it, he laughed and while laughing said, "I didn't tell my attorney to do anything. But I guess if he's filing something against you he has good cause!" So then I asked him when he wanted me to get the kids just to see if he would say something like, "didn't you read, I'm taking 23 days!" but all he said was, "You can get them on the 16th. I just want my 11 days, not 23". And I tried to look at their being gone for 2 weeks as a good thing: they get to spend time with John, I don't have to worry about someone watching the kids when I have my wisdom teeth taken out.......and I couldn't think of anything else after that.

Then on Friday - 2nd full day post surgery - I was at the movies in Knoxville with my mom. We went to go watch Eat Pray Love, with Julia Roberts. We got there early and like always John calls to ruin my day. He said that he had just dropped off his parenting class certificate and signed the MDA which is our last document to sign before setting a court date. Then he said to me, "when do you think you'll go sign the papers so we can set up a court date? I need to get this divorce over with soon." In my normal shocked-that-he-is-such-a-jerk state I just remarked a quick, "why you need to get on with another marriage? I'll get to it when I get the money saved up to pay my lawyer." And it was childish but I couldn't help but feel some sort of anger at him. maybe it was just for his being a complete dick about things or maybe it was just at my feeling sorry for myself (in thinking that again, I'm not good enough for something).

I know that I didn't feel bad about his wanting to be with someone else. That isn't my issue. I know that I don't love him. That I don't care that he doesn't want to be with me and that our getting a divorce is a good thing. When I think about him and his being with someone else I just think about the kids. And that's where my fears crop in. I sit here and I wonder what they do when they are with him. Do they actually spend a lot of time with him? Do they get new toys all the time? Things that sound stupid to say but that I think none the less.

I've known for a long time that he wasn't someone I could be married to forever
and still I can't help but let it get to me that he left his family, his children, to be with someone else and her children. And now he and his girl friend are playing Brady bunch with our kids. With the kids he didn't want to be with when he had them every single day in our family and our marriage. I find it very hard to believe that you move some girl in your new 2 bedroom apartment, have her two kids sleeping in your spare room and she's just a girl you recently started dating! It doesn't sound right to me. It sounds like a man who was too cowardly to do right before deciding to become an adulterer.

When it comes to my kids, I don't want to fear that one day they will pity him and because of that pity they will want to be with him instead of being with me. I don't want my kids to fall in love with some other woman. I don't want to be seen as the bad guy because I'm the only one here to be the good and bad parent. People have been telling me left and right that children know, even at a very young age, who is there for them. They know who is supporting them, who loves them and who is there taking care of them. I want to believe that but I think that sometimes it's hard to know for sure what your children know. Because I know that they enjoy being at his house, with his new girl friend and her kids. I know that they love me. I know that they don't understand the concept of marriage or divorce. I know that they know that not having their father come home every night to them isn't right. But I don't know that all that matters at this point. And in trying to take things one day at a time, I'm not sure how to let go of the petty things that are holding me in this place I'm in. I feel as though I'm holding onto to unwarranted bitterness and resentment just so I can be spiteful! My dad says that seems like a waste of time and energy, and while I agree I can't seem to just release!

A tooth for your wisdom

AH, so the joys of insurance or the lack there of. I went for my regular teeth cleaning a few weeks ago and they updated my x-rays. Well we talked about my wisdom teeth and how they probably would never break through the skin so was there really a need to get them taken out. I asked for a consultation with a surgeon just because with my insurance being close to running out I wanted to get done whatever I could.

Well on Wednesday I got the deed done, so to speak. My doctor and nurses were hilarious. I'm always so lucky to get the best people to take care of me. My main nurse was Terry. She apparently let me take pictures while I was put under! How funny is that? They are embarrassing but I'm also very impressed at how well I did at taking them since I wasn't conscious through it, that I know of! Great times

Well I'm on day two of recovery. It's Friday and I'm still really swollen but the pain isn't bad at all. I am more stiff than anything and I guess that leads to me to think I'm in pain or should be. But I'm doing great. Other than the fact that this puffy face so doesn't go with the rest of me and it freaks me out to look at it! So like I told a friend of mine, because I'm so impatient I'm telling my body that I'm taking care of it so it needs to de-puff for me. So far that pep talk isn't working out too well.

Today I'm going with my mom to the movies to watch Eat Pray Love. And I'll probably eat some soup. What else would I eat?! Right now I'm off to pay bills. Yay, payday. JOY. Get the money just to spend it away. CLASSIC!!!!

Hands tied behind my back

This past week or so has been rough. I hate getting on here and blogging about how terrible things are and pushing this negative attitude out onto the world but sometimes I have nowhere else to turn. And at least here, I know there aren't many people reading it and they can just click to another page if they don't want to hear it! This negative side of me is the lowest of sides riddled throughout my personality and it's the most unattractive part of me.

During this divorce I have had super happy days and days where I've just been absent, waiting for someone to just figuratively "talk me down from the edge". I have a hard time staying out of my own head when it comes to things I've done or could have done throughout my life. Family has always been my top priority, from the time I was a young child playing 'school' in my walk-in closet to having children of my own. As a child I've had a great upbringing. I've been taught to deal with things and be stronger during down times....push through so to speak. That isn't to say that I haven't been taught to be easy on myself at times or to feel my own emotions. I attribute a lot of my personality to pride and my lack of knowing how to not be so critical, mostly of myself.

John has been asking me for every weekend now that he got a hard copy of his orders. I said no of course because I'm not ok with him playing house with his girl friend, her kids and our kids. When we did our settlement meeting I wasn't ok with the number of days he was given because I felt and still feel that all those times he could have been home spending time with his children while he lived with them he was out doing something else. It doesn't matter if he was working some days or out at some girls house (which is becoming more and more of a possibility now that things are surfacing). I have a hard time believing that when we were married he had to work from 7am-10pm every day but now that we don't live together he gets off work by 4 most days! To me that just screams, taking time away from your family to be with someone else. And I don't necessarily mean a woman when I say someone else!

On Monday I got a call from John informing me that he would be taking the kids for the next 11 days, thus giving him nearly 3 weeks out of this month. I knew it wasn't because he wanted to spend time with them but because he wanted to find a way to get as many weekends in a row as he could. I know this because if he wanted to be spending time with the kids he would be taking the two hours a week he requested in our settlement meeting instead of blowing us off every time I make an effort to give him the time with the kids. All of the heartache and hassle that is coming along with everything isn't worth it. And it makes me feel stupid that I got to this point in my life and never did anything about it when I first knew it wasn't right anymore.

I feel so blessed to have had my two children, even if their other parent is less than ideal in my eyes. They are the only way I can justify everything I did throughout my relationship. That if I hadn't stayed I wouldn't have both my babies. And I couldn't live without either of them! I'm amazed every day at how they learn, grow and interact with not only each other but with everyone in their lives. My attorney once told me at the beginning of this that I had wonderful children. And once I had expressed to her that I wanted John to still be a major part of their lives she said again that I have wonderful children and that's because they have good parents. John had never really done much by way of parenting since our kids were born, he never helped much in the middle of the night, he never had even spent an entire day alone with one of them let alone both of them. And still to this day hasn't done such things. But that doesn't mean he isn't a decent parent......I'm not sure that my saying that is just to convince myself that I should think that or not. I know that at this point in our situation and in my life that he hasn't proven himself to be anything other than selfish. And that you can't be selfish and be a great parent! The unofficial description of a great parent is someone who sacrifices everything for the sake of their children. Someone who does the right thing for their kids first and thinks of themselves last. Someone who would find a way to move mountains even though they are solid parts of earth. Someone who teaches their children strength, endurance, good habits, good morals and helps their children find a way to be the best they can be at all times! Selfish doesn't fit into the description of a great parent because being a parent is a selfless act!

Is up really the only way?

I've had a long, hard week. It's been emotionally taxing. It's Saturday. I've had the best day with my babies. Hours at the mall since it rained all day. I made this great dinner and got to have some personal time because the kids went to bed early. And still I'm stuck in my own head.

I've recently had an encounter with a rare breed......Sometimes I am sure that there are people in this world that you are meant to interact with for the benefit of knowing who you are! This man is so unique. He is like a soul I've met before. Someone I've known since childhood, as if an old friend that I could share my deepest innards with. He has struck a passion inside of me that I haven't felt in so long I was unsure if it even existed anymore. As a younger child I use to think that these fairy tales were exaggerations. I knew that in real life there were a select few who were lucky enough to find someone so right for them that people who didn't even know them could look at them and see they were perfect for each other. I have witnessed a few couples where this holds true. And their lives aren't fairy tales. They aren't all rainbows and butterflies but they are still perfect.
I don't believe that the world brings someone into your life just to tease you with them and to yank them away! I haven't had many times in my life where I've had gut feelings about things but when I have, I have never been wrong. It's hard to live knowing something but not being able to do anything about it! Everyone I've talked to thinks I'm crazy. They think that I should see the "obvious signs" and move past any 'fairy tale' ideas I'm holding onto. But just like those other people who knew that they had something better than a fairy tale I know in my deepest heart of hearts that there is something more meant for me.

I'm so happy about things that I feel and know but yet so unsure. I know what I need to be doing. I know the steps I should be taking to get to where I want to be - ultimately to just be happier with me and let the universe take over my worries for a bit! And somehow, I am not able to let go.....I'm like a corpse gripping the treasure map in the fabled treasure hunt! I can't seem to let go of things....and if I'm not careful I'll end up like the corpse; allowing someone else to take from me what I know so true.

A large update.....

As you can tell from my last post I haven't been on in a while. There has been so much that has happened over the last few months that I have a hard time even wrapping my own brain around things. I guess it's best to just rip the band aid off quickly and get things out.

My last post was on the 3rd of April, the day after Garrett's 1st birthday. Well on the 12th, the day before Chelsea's birthday, John came home from work and told me that he wasn't sure that being married to me was working for him anymore. He told me he wanted to take a week away at his friends house and then we would see where we want to go from there. Immediately I called my mom and told her that he was going to get a divorce. I was crushed and devastated and confused. I couldn't see how something like this came out of the blue. Well anyway, he left and did not celebrate Chelsea's birthday with us the next day. Thankfully we had already had a joint party for the kids so she didn't really know the difference.
Over the next few weeks it was a lot of John going back and forth, feeling bad about leaving, not wanting to file the papers, and just making the situation drag on. He said things to me like, "maybe you all should go with me to Japan. I don't want to be away from the kids." He would also say things to me like, "I'm 80% sure I want this divorce." I never understood that. Emotions were high on both ends. There was lots of cursing at me, threats, tears, yelling, texts, etc. I'm surprised tires weren't slashed to be honest!!! LOL - no joking matter I know. So I found an attorney. I met with her, took a serious look at my situation and filed the papers. Once I did that without telling John first it was like he declared war on me. I'm sure he was shocked but I couldn't just wait around for months while he went back on forth on deciding if he wanted to be with me. I need someone who was stronger than that! Someone who knows who they are and what they want and that they WANT to be with me. I don't need someone to pussy-foot around any important situation.

I never really found out why he decided out of the blue not to be with me or the kids anymore. After filing I moved out of my parents house, got an apartment, dealt with any monetary issues I was faced with, re-financed my car, changed over my insurance, arranged for movers and the financing of any new furniture I might need and tried to start getting back on my feet. It's hard when you're only job has been to be a stay at home mom. It's hard to only dabble in work but not have a set paycheck by having to go in and work hours. It's hard to try to tell your kids that daddy is going to live at another house while we live in our new house. But the kids were never in the middle of anything. They never heard us fight or yell at each other. They never had to deal with being pawns in a giant game, thankfully.

Well later on more things were revealed like the fact that John had a girl friend. Now he has his own house, we're close to being finalized with this whole divorce stuff, the kids like Tiffany and her boys (as they should), and I'm still trying to manage to get things settled. I don't know why I find it so hard. Since all this has happened John has still been back and forth on things. He's had days where he wants to talk to me, where he wants to come over for sex, where he wants to hate me and yell at me, where he wants to rub things in my face. I am sure there are parts of this situation that are difficult for him.....

He got his orders to Japan this week. He leaves in February. Not soon enough if you ask me. Having him around after all this has happened is difficult. I get angry if I have to think about him. I've had an easier time not having him enter my mind here of late because I know that I don't want to be with him, but when he calls it's a day ruin-er. I try to not let it happen but I can't help but dislike him. I still hold a grudge over the fact that he decided to leave his own family, the one he asked to have for so long, just to move in with his new girl friend and her two kids so they could play Brady Bunch with our kids! I think it will take a long time for me to get over that. I don't want to be nice to him. I don't want to be cordial. I don't want to do anything other than have him out of my life. If I could have a middle man handle all my dealings with him, I'd be square!

Of course that is the major thing that has happened. There have been other small things but I don't think they are worth writing about right now on the blog. Please don't feel sorry for me or anything. The situation is as it is and right now I feel at peace with the fact that I got the best from John that he'll ever be able to give and they are the two most precious things in the whole world. John has given me a few things in life: A great few years, two wonderful kids, a few travels and the chance to find out what real love is about!

Headed for Life in the Left Lane!

So we got the orders for Japan! How exciting right?! When John called to tell me you could hear that he was really upset and shocked by the fact that he was awarded the very last pick on his orders list! So hearing where we would be going was bitter sweet for me. He took over an hour to research and try to wrap his head around the fact that he would be making this big move.

Now we have a busy busy time of making sure we have everything in order and our debt paid down as much as we possibly can! We should be there for around 4 years unless our ship gets stationed back in the states before our tour is done. I think the kids will do great and it will be a great place for them to start school. And if we decide to have one last baby it will be while we're over there so we'll have one that kind of has dual citizenship.

I think this is going to be really great and I wish we could leave earlier than December.

A year down only 17 more to go!!!

Today my little boy turned 1!!! How exciting. I feel so many different things with him than I did with Chelsea on her first birthday. I'm almost sad that he's already 1. He's such a character and today you could see that he isn't a baby anymore, he's a little boy! We had lunch right at noon and then immediately had cake because my mom had to leave for work. Garrett couldn't be more thrilled that he was allowed to eat this huge peice of cake and get all messy without mom going bezerk on him!!!


We have the kids joint party with their friends on the 10th so I'm still super busy trying to make sure I have everything in order for that. And then Chelsea's actual birthday is on the 13th so we'll have another episode of cake! GEEZ....I think we're going to be all caked out!

We've been really busy for the last week or so. I've been posting more to my other blog - www.wherestheabs.blogspot.com - about how I've been dealing with taking off all the weight I wanted to lose, etc. Because of what I've accomplished in such a short period of time I've been cooking a lot more and all the meals I've found to make came mostly from this magazine called Clean Eating. I have to say that everything has been so good that it makes me not even miss eating out! We've had a fried rice substitute, a sandwhich that is just like Cheese Steak but with more than half the calories cut out, Mediterranean Steak and Eggs, and so many more. Tonight I was going to make Mahi Mahi Fish Tacos but I think that John wanted to go watch Alice in Wonderland 3D so I'm not sure yet if we're going to eat those or not. I feel like I've had a hard time not binging on candy and what not for these last two days. I had cake for Garrett's birthday as planned, because my baby only turns one once! But I just feel sluggish and like I shouldn't be eating all this stuff. I've been really positive about the change I'm making for myself and my family!

John is at the office right now finding out if he got orders, what he got and if he didn't get selected, why he didn't get picked this go around! I really wnat to know but I like the suspence of waiting until he gets home! I really think he'll get to go to Washington. I know it's where he really wants to go and I'm sure he'd do wonderfully! He thinks he's going to get Japan because someone else will get picked to go on the priority billet and I'd like that but I think he'd be disappointed!

I found this really cool site called seemommyrun.com and it's where you can put in yoru city and find groups of women that walk or run. Each group sets itself up and makes it's own schedule. I think that will be really helpful once I move (if we are in the states). Not to mention most of the women have kids and it will be great to meet other moms who have kids and maybe might even find some life long friends. Well that's about all the news I have. I'm going to go finish the day out with my babies and hope to get a workout in! If not than that's ok because today is just about being with my kids. Speaking of kids, I have a little boy running around here in his "BIRTHDAY SUIT". I better go take care of that!

Snow, seriously in March?!

Yup it's snowing again. After the beautiful weekend we just had! Yesterday it rained and I was alright with that. It was in the 70's Friday and Saturday. John and I took the kids camping at Citico Creek. They liked it when we got there on Friday but soon after lunch they weren't to thrilled and were ready to get back to the house! I guess you can't really expect little kids to have enough patience for camping yet. We also didn't catch but one trout which is disappointing.



Yesterday John and the kids went with the in-laws to Indian food. I couldn't eat it, even though it smelled so good, because of this Almased plan. After that we went to go see my brother, Jon, at the store and we got tons of good things for all the new recipes I'll be trying. Today I'm just writing out the recipes I'll be using so I'll have them on hand. I plan on getting a workout in and who knows what the kids and I will do! It's finally stopped snowing/raining at least for a little bit!

We get to find out orders within the first week of April. I'm so anxious. I really think that John will be getting Washington, his first pick, and if that's the case he said we might be out of here by August! I wish there were more to report! Maybe soon there will be.

Not mentally here

Recently I've been preoccupied with my weight goals and my body issues so I haven't been on here much writing about our daily lives. When I started this blog I wanted to include everything in my day but then decided that my body goals shouldn't be part of what I do with my kids or family. I've encouraged you all to look at the other blog if you are into nutrition and my weightloss stories. I wont go into many details about that stuff but I will say that 7 days ago I started the Turbo Protein Diet/Fast with Almased. I've had ups and downs. Today is my half-way mark and I am proud to say that I'm 7 pounds down and hoping to lose more inches than pounds in the next 7 days.

This past weekend we took the kids to Chuck-E-Cheese, which was crazy. Then John had to go ship off a guy to bootcamp so I took the kids to the gym's play place and got a quick workout in. Then we had to go to Walmart and get some things and then head home. Other than that....it's been raining for a while now and we haven't been able to get out. I am ready for spring to come around so the kids can go out on the deck and we can leave the doors open AND so we can start going for walks.

We have the kids party coming up soon. I am ready to spend the day with our friends and for the kids to celebrate their birthdays with those they care about. I'm sure their'll be more news to share in the upcoming days and weeks! Till then my friends

Long time No post!

So I've been lazy lately! There hasn't been much going on since I last wrote. The kids are having their usual on and off days, John is having his usual crappy time at work and I am doing my usual complaining about not getting any help around this place. I really wish I had something better to say on this thing. I told one of my girlfriends when I started reading her blog (before I started one or two of my own!!!) that blogs are really only for people who have lives exciting enough to fill their blog with the tons of cool things they did in the day. And because their life is so much more interesting they are able to write everyday!

I am going to have to do a run through of my blogs and update the posts that required pictures I was too lazy to load at the time. I'm sure that eventually I will get my blogging act together and do what is suppose to be done to make my read more interesting.

On the old news front, John and I took Phil and Tara skiing this past weekend. It's
the end of the season and we wanted to get one more good day in up there before it closed for the Summer sessions. And we thought how much more fun could it be than to go with our friends? Well it turns out that it wasn't as much fun as we all thought it would be. Phil and Tara, who had never been skiing before decided to take lessons that were suppose to be only one hour. That ended up being about 3 hours and they didn't get much ski time in with us. John and I found a new slope that we didn't know about before and it was cool going down when the snow was more icey instead of slushey and before all the people found the same slope! I also saw an old boyfriend of minr from highschool. He completely tried to ignore me which just made things ackward. And to make it even more uncomforable, Tara wasn't having a good time and by the middle of our day pass the place was so packed the medics were out trying to clear paths for the skiers coming down the hill to get through! Seriously it was rough.

Also a few weeks ago I might have posted about taking the kids to the TN aquarium in Chattanooga. It is suppose to be the #1 aquarium in the nation but I have to say I wasn't that impressed. It is located in two seperate buildings and one is so small that is doesn't even seem worth walking through and the other is so large it is just a hassle to drag two small kids through on the weekend! We didn't get to take many pictures but here are some that we did manage to get.




Let me see what else......John is taking his first class test tomorrow. He has been studying for the past two days so the kids and I have been forced to stay upstairs while he and Ray did practice tests. I will be glad to return to some sort of normal tomorrow after his test. Also we get to pick orders on the 11th. It will be so wonderful to see what is open and hear what John put in for. The only crappy thing is that we don't get to find out right away what we will get. John told his dad he won't know until about May but he told me he wouldn't find out what he got until April. So I'm not sure which is true. I'm assuming we will find out around Chelsea's birthday and the 1st week of May will be the latest. I'm just really anxious to know where we will be going.

I have Christie's baby shower to go to this Saturday and also Tara's little girl, Aly, is having her birthday party this Sunday. It will be nice to be busy for once! I hate being stuck out here in the middle of nowhere because we never get out of the house. I miss living in Knoxville, so close to everything. I miss being able to pick between 2 or 3 different playgrounds instead of only one that is 40 minutes away. It's hard.
I was talking to Rachel the other day online and she's having a rough time too. She and Eric are sick, Trent is stressed to the max between school, interviews, home-life, etc. I feel their pain and I wish we lived closer together so we could be miserable together! At least with her close she could bring Eric over and get some relief. Tag-teaming when it comes to kids is much easier than just watching tons alone! Plus she is my best friend and I really enjoy her company. I hate living so far away from her. Well I have to go get the crying baby. That's the end of things for the night. I hope to get my act together and get more regular with the blog.

Epiphany?!

Garrett has been sick for a few days now. He's miserable and has spent most of today, thankfully, sleeping which I'm sure will give him a huge boost in the directions of getting better! Chelsea is feeling what I assume to be cabin fever. She's restless and whiny and almost intolerable. I found a few good kiddy websites geared toward getting your child/children ready for preschool. I tried to get Chelsea to do some of the worksheets with me but she shunned me and ran away crying!

Yesterday we went to Chuck-E-Cheese. We occasionally do things with our mom's club, Chi Rho Kids. This event was suppose to be last week but was postponed because of the snow. Then with the kids being sick I almost decided to stay home but I'm so glad I didn't. When I was a kid the Chuck-E-Cheese near our house was so huge and even when I was in 6th Grade and helped a neighbor of mine take her babysitting kids I was easily overwhelmed. That was my main fear when planning this trip to Chuck-E-Cheese. There were few people there. The food came quickly and the kids ran free without having to worry about someone snatching them or them getting lost in the crowd. Over all a very pleasing day. I will be putting pictures in that I got while there soon so come back for the updated version.






I read a few other blogs and in my most favorite written by the comical Ashlee Wheatherington I saw her pictures she had just put in her room based off the Twilight movie. It was the forest from the newest Twilight and it made me think.....
I use to be so negative and closed minded about the rest of the world. I would quickly retort things like, "I hate the rain...", "I would never live _______ because of the forests and lay of the land.", etc. I remember John's mom telling me once, as I commented on Chelsea being so loud all the time, how I have really mellowed out in my upping of years! I didn't notice!!! Now I find myself longing for the quiet, serene landscapes of places like the Northwest. I find that I don't mind the rain quiet as much although I still mind the smell the earth leaves after a rain. I found this picture that I want to put up as a wall mural once we get our own place. It would make a nice focal point of the room.

Other than that, I really haven't anything new to talk about. I am going to go make dinner. New Orlean's Rubbed Chicken with apricot-mustard sauce and a side of creamy spinach and veggies. It should be good. I'm excited to try it because I've never made it before and it's new from my Biggest Loser Cookbook. More soon!

Getting ready to start a whole nother month

So it's budgeting time again and as I sit here, listening to Garrett whine and Chelsea talk to her dinosaur that eats play-doh, I'm not so surprised that it's already March. With all the stresses and bustling of everyday life it's no wonder we've wandered our way through a quarter of the year already. Yes, I said it. A QUARTER OF THE YEAR!

Today appears to be turning out to be "one of those days". Let me set the setting for you. Garrett is sick and up most of the night. It's now a little after 9 and the lake is so still like a mirror that you can see the birds flying overhead and the trees that loom on the other side of the lake. The fog is lifting but the sun is refusing to shine. It's eerie in a calm sort of way.

10 Things that happened this weekend:
1. Got a rocking chair and Nortictrack Bike from Kevin and Becky for free
2. Got a pop-up camper from Lance for free
3. Cleaned out the car
4. Got all my work done for the week in only 2 hours
5. Got helathy groceries for me to try out more new recipes
6. Spent tons of time outside with the kids at the park and at the house
7. Move the sandbox up to the porch and got new sand
8. Had date night at the movies
9. Worked out hardcore
10. Heard a shooting by Twisters

First to start off with the free items we got. Kevin and Becky, the neighbors, called on Saturday and asked if we wanted to come look at these big items they were planning on taking to Goodwill. We took the rocking chair, which is gorgeous and comfy, and the exercise bike. Becky never uses it now that she has an eliptical. I can't wait to get our new house so we can incorporate all this in our new place.
Also Lance, a man that works with Ray, said that in exchange for Ray helping him build a shop we could have the camper. It's a pop-up 4 bedroom camper that looks tiny but is actually really spacious. It has a stove, fridge, eatting area, hookup for tv and electric, a showering tent, ac, etc. I think we might take it out for a spin on the 15th check to Citico Creek.
Last night since Ray and Ellie had a dinner party John and the rest of us went to Twisters for dinner and icecream. As we got there and were getting out of the car we heard a shooting and tons of screaming. I said, "John, is that screaming?" He wasn't sure either and I said, "It sounds like a death house over there!" Like in the movies. We didn't think anything more of it and we went in to eat. As we were eatting we saw tons of police cars and ambulance and once we were done we went over to Movie Gallery because they have a police scanner and they said that there was a murder over there!
All the rest of the stuff is pretty self explanatory. We saw Shutter Island at the movies, I just need to vaccum out my car, I got to workout for over an hour instead of just the regular 20 minutes because with Garrett being sick and John being a weenie with no sleep they napped.

A lot of interesting first....

I wrote in my last post about John's "neighbor" and how his dad instigated her coming over. Yesterday while I was making dinner for Chelsea and I and walking up the drive I saw this girl with her little girl. Yup, you guessed it. Ashley and her daughter. Everything that I had heard about her from school days and what not was nothing short of awful. And it turns out that she's really nice and a sweet girl. I knew that I was being stupid to allow nasty feelings to rise up in me and really it boiled down to the fact that whenever there is someone that comes over that use to know everyone before I came along it makes me feel left out. Childish, I know but I can't help it. Well she and her little girl, Jayda, are coming over again on Saturday because John's parents invited them for the day. And really I don't mind because she really is nice and someone I could see myself being friends with.

Alright....Today has been wonderful. The sun is finally out and even though I love the snow and wintery months I missed getting to see the sun and the feeling of Spring! The kids finally got to get out of the house and do something fun. We were going to go to the park but when we got to Oak Ridge only the park had snow left on it! OF COURSE IT WOULD. So we ended up going to the Books-A-Million because they have a great train set that Chelsea loves to play with.

Also today while at the book store I bought two books. I got the initial Biggest Loser Cookbook and it's amazing. Also I found a book about how to have the perfect husband by Friday. It's a super funny book and really a read that should be required for all young couples to read. I've only gotten through the first chapter but I can't wait to keep going on into the book to find out things I can do to improve my marriage. Well I'm off to bed. I have a great day and what a better way to end it than by keeping it short!!!

No matter how bad it gets......

A lot of people don't know this but in the 5 years of my marriage most of those years have been less than appealing. John and I started off with a lot of issues where we lost the people we fell in love with and became people that we never wanted to turn into. Because of what we morphed into we fought all the time, disliked being around each other and did things to intentionally hurt the other. Not ideal conditions for love and family!!! Then I decided to make a personal change and become happier with the person I am and the love I had and in return I lost my negative attitude and became more loving to those I love. I stopped being so nasty to John and the kids and started living my life with them, which is what they all deserved from the beginning.

Well yesterday after John got home his dad was talking to him about this neighbor girl, that John use to hook up with, that was back in town. John had said that he saw her on the side of the road (probably back here by the house- neighbor remember)and Ray said that he told her what John drove so she could keep an eye out for him. Ray had said that she wants to come by and "catch up" with John and that she wants to meet the kids and see what I was all about and all that. I had a laps of getting myself down by getting in my own head. It was stupid and childish and even though I'm still irritated that John's dad was pushing that she wait for him and comes over and hang out with our kids, etc. I know it was stupid to get irritated like he would leave me because an old neighbor was back in town.

It was retarded and I knew that it wasn't a big deal the moment I heard it. And I could have kept all that info to myself and not made myself sound stupid but writing all this was to prove that you can change things for the better and that John and I use to be in need of work not only on ourselves but on our perception of marriage and now that we are doing much better at that, things are better with us as a couple.

On another note I have been yearning for another baby. Not to actually have one right now but to know that in the near future like in another year or so we could possibly try for another. So I talked to John about it and sometimes he says he doesn't want to think about it and sometimes he say yes it would be nice. I have seen everyone getting pregnant and having these little bitty babies and it just makes me so sad that my kids are getting so much older. Now the little bitty baby part of all that only lasts for a week or two and then the hard works sets in and you have to deal with kids fighting, teething, not sleeping, not eating, etc. I like kids just born and then those that are already potty trained. I love my kids and I love all their milestones but my kids tend to be more on the aggressive side and grouchy side of childhood. My thinking behind all that is that if they are mean and grouchy now they will be super sweet when they get older! We'll have to test that hypothesis as the years go on!

Also we didn't get to pick orders this month like they said we would so we have to wait until the first or second week in March like they told us initially. I just really want to know where we are going to get to go. Once we know I can start looking in to preschools for Chelsea and see about the base daycare for Garrett and then I can plan for work and free time and finding a house, etc. I can't wait.

Started off so Sweet and Ended so Sour =/

So I may have mentioned the last time I wrote that John had a 4 day weekend for Presidents Day and Valentine's Day. So my mom had Friday off like usual and decided to come up and watch the kids so John and I could have our Valentine's Day early. We initially planned on going to the Melting Pot, voted #2 most romantic Restaurant in Knoxville, but of course they were booked solid for the whole weekend (probably weeks and weeks in advance!). So we decided to make a spontaneous run up to Ober Gatlinburg to go skiing! I hadn't been skiing since my Freshman year which really wasn't that long ago, but......I was super terrible at it then so I could only imagine how awful I'd be at it now.
John took me up to the highest Professional run there first!!!! Didn't let me have any training or anything first. For God Sakes I couldn't even make it back up the kiddie hill before we went down the first time. I was terrified. It was a 10 min ride up the mountain - farther than the picture can show- and it took us around 30 minutes to get down. Needless to say we stuck to the kiddie trail after that! After a few goes at all that we had gotten a lot better and more comfortable with where we were. So it was all wonderful in the end.
We had so much fun! It was honestly one of the best things we've done since we got married and it tops things like eating in the Space Needle for our anniversary to taking a day trip boat ride up to Canada.

It all went down hill yesterday. We had a super crappy day. I got to sleep in till almost 9 which was the only good thing. I swear every time I try to sleep in John gets the grumps. So he suggested that we go to the TN Aquarium in Chattanooga....Garrett fell asleep early so I took that time to clean up the house, start laundry and wash the sheets then get everyone ready to go. We went to Mr. Gatti's for lunch which was alright and then everyone fell asleep in the car for the rest of the drive, until Garrett woke up right before my exit to get off the interstate. So he cried hysterically for about 10 min and John was no help. He decided to turn around and sit in his chair and just "let him cry it out". Then because I was irritated with all the crying and no help, he decided to not help me with directions in a completely new place that I've never been to or even seen, said that we should go home, yelled at me, etc. So I was irritated the whole way through the aquarium. Chelsea was also grumpy, not wanting to stay with us in the dark, not wanting to look at anything or do anything. Then John didn't want to eat after we got done at the aquarium (5pm) but made me stop at Best buy so he could look for stupid Cd's about some guy rapping making fun of hillbilly's. He got mad that no place had it so I took Chelsea to McD's. Of course he got something to eat! And the whole way home proceeded to tell me that I complain "all the time" and that I'm "never happy". HA! Crazy, right?! He said that all I do is yell at Chelsea and that because I don't bring in money (yet) that I spend too much time on the computer. So the whole 2 hour drive home was spent arguing and when we got home we gave the kids a bath. He got in with them so I went upstairs to make the bed (washed the sheets as said before). Came back to get the kids thinking they'd be done and he said, "What are you doing out there anyway?" I said nothing. He said, "well take him and get back to your facebooking or whatever." I said, "Yeah cause making the bed and doing more laundry is facebooking!"

Seriously a ridiculous day. I just wanted to run away and cry cause I'm so angry and don't know what to do. I hate arguing and having to ask for help. It completely zeros out the fun I had yesterday. Crappy huh?!

So I wrote an email to my mom telling her of my miserable day and how even being able to spend time with our whole family didn't make the day better and like she always does, she tells me that I should just let it roll off my back. I'm a little too prideful for that and sometimes I wish I had the strength of character to do just that and act like it never happened. Maybe today will be a little better and I can say at least we had 2 out of 3! We'll see. I hope you all enjoyed this display of natural married life! At least this is how it is for us sometimes. I hope everyone has a very Happy, Love-filled Valentine's Day.

Just another day.

This past week has been full of ups and downs. Early on Monday I got terrible heel pain from working out and now have to make a dr's appointment for it. Then on Tuesday we got to see Christie and Eden for Chi Rho Kids/Mom's Club where we frosted cupcakes and all the kids played. I got to touch Baby August baby belly! He's going to be so super sweet. Then that night we stayed at my mom's house in town because it was suppose to snow and it was a better idea to be snowed in at a family member's house instead of facing the weather while driving with the kids. We left early on Wednesday morning, drove through Oak Ridge to have lunch with John and then came on home. Now it's Thursday and John has another late night with work but has tomorrow off. It's getting closer and closer to Valentine's Day and we still don't have any plans and really for us it's just another day. I don't love him more on V-Day than I do any other day of the year. So who knows what we will do or not do.

Finally our first real sunny day after weeks of rain. I never realized how much I missed the sun! John was suppose to be able to pick orders yesterday but couldn't so maybe he will be able to today. Seeing the sun makes me think that we will get something wonderful if he picks today. Its cold but beautiful. It feels like a good day to make decisions.

Garrett is cutting 4 teeth and isn't eatting or sleeping like normal. It drives me crazy and it's definitly the worst stage of entering Toddlerhood. There is nothing worse than having your baby act normal and then all of a sudden they are out of whack for weeks because of teeth! It's like you can't enjoy their childhood for at least the first year because you start of the exhausted new parent, then you are working with schedules, then it's the transition to solid foods, then teeth! I mean seriously! And in between all that is learning to roll, crawl and walk.

Lately Chelsea has been extra lovey on everyone. It's nice and also unexpected. Everytime Chelsea is lovey, Garrett is super grouchy! It's like their normal personalities decided to change bodies with the other kid! Really great stuff. She took her first shower yesterday evening....and cried the entire time! She has a fear of water in her face so I think the sprayer was just over the top.

I had a dream today about running shorts. Ellie, John's mom, went to this store and came home with like a giftbag type deal. It was like the Estae Lauder deals where if you buy so much worth of their product you get the free gifts. Anyway, in her giftbag was an entire pair of running clothes, sun glasses and headbands! It was amazing so I said I liked the pattern of the outfit she had and she said, "You can't wear this, it's a medium! And the pattern is pretty. I don't know that they'll have it if you go to get one." It was almost mean but just made me want to go to the store. So I went in with John and he was hitting on me (my own husband) and I was so concerned with asking about this running giftbag! SIGN?! Maybe.

Like a Baker

Today was our Cookie Making Day. Tomorrow is our CRK/Mom's Club get together and we were making cookies for everyone for Valentine's Day. We bought all the stuff needed like cookie cutters, special glitter icing and sprinkles! Chelsea only cares about eatting the dough instead of cutting them out or decorating them. So I had to do all the fun stuff and she just ate them! They turned out beautifully I think. And we both got the best of the cookie world!!!

There was another act of nudity in our house today...from the same little boy!!! He has now figured out how to strip down so I find him running around here like an exhibitionist. GAH. Other than that and standing on my feet for hours to get these cookies done so the icing would be hard enough to bag them tonight, there hasn't been much else going on. I'm just bored out of my mind staying in this house all the time. During the day it isn't so bad because it's just me and the kids here. But around 4 or 5 Ray comes in and then Ellie is usually next home and then John. It just gets old having to stay in someone elses house all the time. Chelsea has been told numerous times today to stay out of this or don't do that and I get tired of hearing someone who doesn't really care about her tell her to do things or not do things.

We get to pick orders this Wednesday and I'm excited to see what will be open and what John will put in for. I'm sure he will pick Washington as his first pick and maybe even his second and third if there are enough openings. I was hoping for Japan and I'm sure there will be tons open for there since most military people don't pick overseas, for whatever reason. I know that the opportunity wont come around again for us to live overseas and I am excited to possibly get the chance to have our kids live some place where most people aren't able. But we wont be able to know for sure where we get to go for another month at least. Hopefully we'll know something soon since we are going in sooner than expected! I'm really nervous about John being resentful if we get to go to Japan. He has voiced his thoughts about not wanting to go anywhere other than WA but knows how unrealistic it is to expect that he will really get it especially since there aren't many spots open for his job there. But when we talked about coming from San Diego to here I said I wanted it for our kids because our parents were old and we wouldn't be able to come home that often.

So until another day......

Superbowl Sunday!

GO COLTS! Sitting here watching replays of the plays and revelling in the awesomeness! Ellie gave Chelsea her fairy Princess outfit to help the Colts win the bowl. She is parading around here doing her Abby Cadaby chants and I think that every little bit helps when it comes to football!
Isn't she adorable?! Garrett is also loving the game. He is crying at this very minute and wiping his baby boogers on my cheek but he has been sitting to watch the first 10 points be won by the COLTS! It's a football kinda house tonight and I have to say I didn't see it coming! John always talks about Garrett being a linebacker in highschool.

Today has been good. The kids have been playing and using imagination. We had tea parties, played hide and seek in Nini's room, took our bath, ate good dinners and now hopefully getting ready for an easy transition to bed! Till tomorrow everyone! I have to go snuggle my babies =D

WIC day - Baby nudity

Today has been seemingly better than usual. My mom came to stay like she does most Thursdays, so I held off on going to do WIC stuff until she could go with me. While I was taking the time to lean over the sink and wash my hair I had Garrett sitting in his walker. Chelsea informed me, once I came downstairs, that Garrett was crying and she tried to "take care of him" by picking him up out of his walker....as far as she got was getting his shirt off! So I took him off and went back to drying my hair and then he came in naked! I thought for sure that I was going crazy. It turns out that once he was out he took off his diaper (it happens some mornings) and they were playing "catch". We call it ball in our house because he is just learning words so by calling it what it is he better understands what he is playing with.

We got our pedicure that we'd been waiting on for weeks and Chelsea got her toes painted. She picked purple with sparkles. TOTALLY CHELSEA. She soaked her toes and got all lotioned up and then stayed steady to get her toes painted. Never mind that it all came off within 10 minutes because she moved around in the chair trying to dry them. We still tell her they're beautiful. Then I did my WIC shopping, which is always awful. They give you these checks with limited numbers of items on them and then they have people with limited WIC knowledge to enter all the items. Sometimes things get missed and sometimes you can't find the things you need and it's just an all around hassle.

Once I finished my shopping I had to go drop some items off to my brother on the other side of town and it turns out it was his lunch break and I got to spend a whole hour with him, my mom, and my kids. It was a nice little change. Then I got home and the kids were sleeping and stayed asleep long enough for me to get all the groceries in the house while the rain was pouring down. Then they played and ate and are finally in bed. The bad part for this whole day is that John called around 5 and said he wouldn't be home until after 11. =C He said that he has to take a depper home after the PT meeting and then go to the hotel to train/workout/prep the guy that he put up for medical tomorrow. It reminds me how tough a job he really has and it really interfers with our family plans and the balance we have with out kids!

Picture this.

So today has been a seemingly great day so far. The kids have been getting up earlier than normal this whole week and I think it makes all of us feel better than when we sleep in till 8. Chelsea gets to see daddy in the morning and she goes to bed more willingly at night.
I was thinking about this very thing today, she doesn't get to see John all that often during the week because he gets home only an hour before bed sometimes and sometimes he doesn't get home until after bedtime. And when she starts school she will need to be up and ready before we have to leave so maybe this getting up thing isn't so bad.

Also first thing in the morning Garrett gets up and strips down to his birthday suit. I'm sure he loves the fact that he is so smart now and can take off his diaper to expose what God, and mom, gave him. And to my surprise, Chelsea went up stairs voluntarily to play by herself. This never happens and I was so thankful for the quiet time. Now, of course, they are both up and down stairs and beating up on eachother or instigating yelling battles. RIDICULOUS. Now we're back to the regular ol' daily tears and fights between the kids. And here I thought today would be different.

Another great thing that happened today was I sent John a text saying that today was going great and then asked him how his day was going. He sent this exact text to me, "Not for me. My guy on deck has an std." I couldn't help but laugh so hard because I didn't expect him to say anything like that to me. I mean not cool because this is for goal and when goal isn't reached by a station, the people have to make a weekend trip to Nashville for "training". Really that means they have to go for a whole day and get yelled at for not doing what they are suppose to be doing. Not good.

Today for lunch we had my Cabbage-Stuffed Strata. It's equivilent to a cabbage roll only in casserole form. It was delicious though. Chelsea insisted that we eat off her tea party supplies but really it was two plates and one set of utensils so I used my own supplies!

They are calling for snow again this weekend. I didn't hear anything about the groundhog till last night but I could have guessed he wouldn't call for Spring. Why would he?! Stupid Groundhog. It's alright though. I like snow. The only bad thing is that living on the lake keeps the temperture pretty solid because it's so deep. It means that we don't get weather as bad as it might be up the road and the snow doesn't stick around for long! Hopefully we have enough to make a snow man or something this weekend. Last week it just turned into slush and John was so disappointed he didn't get to sled.

As I'm writing I'm looking through the Athleta magazine and Garrett is pulling at a hole in my pants. Well it's looking like it's about naptime. Hopefully I get a workout in today. I feel a change coming on. My horoscope hasn't been very helpful so I am going on gut feeling. Hopefully more good new soon.