A year to puddle ... I mean ponder!

I am sure there is so much to cover like always. I am not the most punctual at keeping up with this blog and I often times get so caught up in everyday life that I forget to sit down and write about what goes on.
It's raining today. It's overcast and windy and we are now left in a soggy pool of cool weather again! I much prefer the 70's that we had over the weekend, where the sun was shining down, the utilization of sunblock and sunglasses and the ability to picnic where we please. Today was picture day at Chelsea's school. She wore a robins egg blue cordouroy dress that had a yellow sash at the waist. The kids have been getting up at 5:30 or 6 every morning this week (granted it is only Tuesday!) so we had plenty of time to get ready and I even got a shower in before leaving the house, which is unheard of.

Tomorrow is Chelsea's birthday! I can't believe she'll be 4 =) Of course that also reminds me that today marks the 1 year anniversary of John walking out on us. I realized this day was upon us late last week. I was spending time with my mom, planning and preparing for the kids party at Chuck E Cheese (saturday) and finding myself very frustrated and attitudes flaring! I spent a few days sulking almost! It was all of a sudden hitting me that in a few short days I was celebrating my kids birthdays with a joint party, taking on my 1 yr anniversary of divorce and starting anew, and John's new marriage the following weekend (16th). That's a lot to take in at one time and at the time I had kids who were overwhelmed and confused themselves which made the week very hard to handle.

Like I said, it's been a long and awkward week - wait maybe I didn't say that outloud. I have felt all over the place these last few weeks. I am so happy to be where I am. I look back a year and I don't blame anyone or anything for what happened! And as I stand in the mornings, after drying my hair, applying my make up, I look at myself....down to my crystal necklace and I know that my life is better and in this moment I have all that is right in the world. I have two amazingly beautiful children - and if not for John and the chances I took I wouldn't have them. I have a family that is uncommonly supportive and humbling and I genuinely feel happy with who I am. And Yes sometimes the memories of how my days use to be filled meander back into my mind. And what I feel isn't sadnessfor where my life has led me. It's a feeling of sorrow for a man who chose to exclude us from his life as his family! I feel sorry for John because I look at who I am now and who our children are growing up to be and it's a marvelous thing. I do miss some days, waking up to an alarm meant for someone else. Feeling needed and loved. Truly caring for someone. And I'm sure in time that too will sort itself out.

The weekend before last I had a lot of things happen as well. I had decided that everyone I had made plans to go out with for one reason or another, I was going to cancel on. I had decided to spend the weekend with my brother, had a dealing with Danny, and invited a friend who I rarely get to spend time with come over. I also realized that while I don't want to date anyone I do want to enjoy my time with people I can enjoy being around. And Brandon and I hadn't hung out for a while, so it was nice to have him there. And the more I sat there I found myself thinking how cool it would be if we could hang out more. He is so easy going and non-dramatic that it is mellow to just be around him. Things are simple. And after the party planning was done last week and the party went off without a hitch on Saturday -the days immediately mellowed out. The kids go to spend 5 days with John and his family because this coming Saturday is his wedding with Tiffany. So I will have a few days to get my head somewhere else without kids here and to spend time with my brother and friends! I'm actually looking forward to it.

So I guess that is where I stand right now. Two feet firmly planted in the soggy mudpuddle known as life, on a Tuesday afternoon. Have a great rest of the week and I'll enjoy my 5 day break along with the rest of you!

March - Already?

It's been months since I have written. I am glad that I left off in the blog at a spot that was happy and being thankful for what I had been given up to that point.

I think I was lost for a while there, but we'll just say I was "busy with the holidays". Lots of things have gone on. We [the kids and I] are, for the most part, adjusted to our new way of living. We get up in the mornings, brush out teeth and hair, get dressed, find something to drink or munch on depending on the day and head out the door before 8 to get Chelsea to school on time. Then it's home to get a workout in, clean up a bit, work a bit, nap a bit, and what ever other bits make up the morning before picking Chelsea up just after lunch time. That's pretty much a normal routine for us and I think it really helps keep us on track! On the weekends we either spend time with friends, relax in our rooms, or head to my parents for Sunday lunches! It really does make things more special that I have such a supportive family unit.

Anyway...in my last post I was talking about how I had taken so much for granted (in my short 23 years of life). How I thought I was finding the person I thought I use to be. In the last 3 months I have become more myself than I had ever thought I would manage to be at this point in time. I have found a new love for vintage wear, mellow music, and time with friends. I take the time to beautify more often than not
and to wear jewelry to complete and outfit. I manage to live in a house that is not too girly but is still comforting when you walk in. And I have pictures sprinkled throughout my downstairs of my family and children. Overall it reminds me of when you watch a tv show and you see these people who seem so unique, be it stylistically or otherwise. These people who you can tell are comfortable with their skin and soul alike. And I feel like I am either at that point or very close to being in the place where things are just easy going and right.

In other news: ..... There were some struggles on the John front - as if you couldn't have seen that one coming. There were some times that it was more fighting than not and more lawyering up and what not. But all in the past and things seem to be simmering now, although they probably wont be completely settled for a long time. He is getting married in April. I think that is where a lot of the tension came from. I think that he feels like I am going to end up being one of these girls who is so bitter and upset constantly that I can't see far enough past what is going on to do what is for the best. I think most people would call this person he invisions "petty, insecure, stuck in high school" etc. And really it isn't an issue. I think it is wonderful that he has found someone he wants to share his time with, that will share her family with him, and who ultimately is a better match for him than I was. Point in case!
Right now, Garrett has pneumoia. It's been one of those winter seasons that he can't seem to get ahold of. He is troopering through it all though and doesn't seem to be dwelling on how crummy he seems to feel. We made a trip to the ER on Sunday cause he had a fever of 103.8 that I just couldn't seem to break. Once we got there he got chest x-rays where they found the pneumonia. He got a few shots, some tests done and then we got sent home. We had a follow up yesterday and our regular dr told us that he is getting worse and not better so we had to change the antibiotics that he's on. So hopefully those start to work well in the next few days.
Chelsea is doing so well in school. She loves to go everyday now, she gets good progress reports, and I try to volunteer at least once a month so I can spend that time with her showing how proud I am of all she accomplishes during her day. Overall it's been a great 2011, so far. Let's just hope we can keep it that way!