No matter how bad it gets......

A lot of people don't know this but in the 5 years of my marriage most of those years have been less than appealing. John and I started off with a lot of issues where we lost the people we fell in love with and became people that we never wanted to turn into. Because of what we morphed into we fought all the time, disliked being around each other and did things to intentionally hurt the other. Not ideal conditions for love and family!!! Then I decided to make a personal change and become happier with the person I am and the love I had and in return I lost my negative attitude and became more loving to those I love. I stopped being so nasty to John and the kids and started living my life with them, which is what they all deserved from the beginning.

Well yesterday after John got home his dad was talking to him about this neighbor girl, that John use to hook up with, that was back in town. John had said that he saw her on the side of the road (probably back here by the house- neighbor remember)and Ray said that he told her what John drove so she could keep an eye out for him. Ray had said that she wants to come by and "catch up" with John and that she wants to meet the kids and see what I was all about and all that. I had a laps of getting myself down by getting in my own head. It was stupid and childish and even though I'm still irritated that John's dad was pushing that she wait for him and comes over and hang out with our kids, etc. I know it was stupid to get irritated like he would leave me because an old neighbor was back in town.

It was retarded and I knew that it wasn't a big deal the moment I heard it. And I could have kept all that info to myself and not made myself sound stupid but writing all this was to prove that you can change things for the better and that John and I use to be in need of work not only on ourselves but on our perception of marriage and now that we are doing much better at that, things are better with us as a couple.

On another note I have been yearning for another baby. Not to actually have one right now but to know that in the near future like in another year or so we could possibly try for another. So I talked to John about it and sometimes he says he doesn't want to think about it and sometimes he say yes it would be nice. I have seen everyone getting pregnant and having these little bitty babies and it just makes me so sad that my kids are getting so much older. Now the little bitty baby part of all that only lasts for a week or two and then the hard works sets in and you have to deal with kids fighting, teething, not sleeping, not eating, etc. I like kids just born and then those that are already potty trained. I love my kids and I love all their milestones but my kids tend to be more on the aggressive side and grouchy side of childhood. My thinking behind all that is that if they are mean and grouchy now they will be super sweet when they get older! We'll have to test that hypothesis as the years go on!

Also we didn't get to pick orders this month like they said we would so we have to wait until the first or second week in March like they told us initially. I just really want to know where we are going to get to go. Once we know I can start looking in to preschools for Chelsea and see about the base daycare for Garrett and then I can plan for work and free time and finding a house, etc. I can't wait.